I thought "wow" this was it! I finally get to be at ease. I can settle with little to nothing to worry about. I can trust you, I can open up to you, I'm accepted, I can be who I am.  I want to try my best, be my best, and take over the world. Days went by and just like that my world kept spinning. I keep telling my self it's ok it will get better, it's ok try to understand, it's ok don't be so hard on your self, it's ok some days are hard like this, it's ok to cry, it's ok just let it out. My butterflies turned into stomach aches. Anxiously waiting for what I thought would be this great escape, turned into another living nightmare. Trying to convince my self and lying to others saying I'm fine, when really I'm dying on the inside. So much fire and rage, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm numbing but with out the drugs or alcohol. I can feel my insides burn, I can feel the lump in my throat. Nothing I can say or do, nothing I've said or done can make it change or made it better...I don't even cry myself to sleep anymore, I just wake up terrified 2-3x a night and every morning with head aches, wondering what did I do so wrong. It's not me it's you. I should of known better, I been through this before, I didn't want to believe I was sleeping with the enemy and he was right in front of me telling me he loved me. I wanted for once to be sure I had the right one, even though my heart and mind told me I was wrong. Now I feel neglected, abandoned, mentally and emotionally abused, used, torn, angry, manipulated, disgusted, hurt, trapped and not that it matters it's all building up inside. Like a volcano waiting to erupt. I'm happy to say I finally got my period today. It was 6 days late but it would of never worked out anyway. Now I can move on and pray for better days. So long 

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