how to talk to you're partner without fighting ??

Question

I feel eveeytime I try to talk to my partner it ends up in a fight...
I have strong opinions and so does he... we disagree with a lot... we don't like telling each other how to do things... I get upset easily and he doesn't understand why and then he gets mad at him for getting upset .. he walks away a lot during conversation... 
I don't know how to approach a serious conversation with him without him blowing up or without me blowing up... he and I say things that trigger us... we met when we both left terrible relationships...we both have scars...I dont know if we can make it through anymore... we have been together for 3 years now and I have left before because I couldn't do the fighting anymore and silent treatment.. I just want happiness all the time I feel like I don't remember what it feels like to be happy with someone anymore 
Help please any advice is helpful

Answer

Try this :)

Answer

Boy do I have alot of experience in these types of relationships. Thankfully I found someone who "fixed" me. He was patient through all my tantrums and bad toxic habits. What helped me ALOT in the beginning was writing down things.

When things got super heated, we would part ways to "cool off", even if it meant we were just in separate rooms (we lived together). Then I would write a letter of my feelings or he would write me an email, and we would continue the "fight"/argument like that. It was a lot better because I wouldn't blurt out hurtful things. Instead, I could write stuff down, read it, and edit it. I was more aware of my words and what impact they would have. Also, reading stuff from him made me "hear" him more and I was a better listener. And I know it's not the best way to do it, but apologizing is so much easier when it's not face to face. Our fights would wrap up so much quicker though and we could just move.

The communication overall improved and the emotional heat wasn't as crazy. I've even gone back and read some of our old fights and now they just seem so silly. You should really try it out with your bf, I hope it helps!

Answer

Try not to use words like "you do this" or "everyone does this" 
Its okay to leave the conversation but make sure to come back to it when everyone is settled down and try and explain what you mean, don't try and over talk one another and don't call each other mean names, it tends to happen in the heat of the moment. 
 Try and talk to each other, see what you guys are doing/saying that makes the other person upset because it sounds likes one of you guys might be defensive and in turn, feels like its more of an attack rather than a conversation

Me and my husband are currently in therapy for communication actually and these are things I've been told to do and its been working out for us

Answer

I'm reading "Seven Principles of Making a Marriage Work" it has some good tips

Answer

Don't use the words "never" or "always". Use the words "I feel" not "you make me feel". 
   
Also, spend time listening to the other person and stop the conversation when it becomes combative and off topic.

Answer

These have worked for me so far:

Think about how you wanted to be approached about yet, put yourself in his shoes!

Make it about that specific issue, avoid you always and you never... that puts people in defense

Be as solution focused as possible

Be sincere

Deal with your emotions before hand. Men cannot deal with their own emotions let alone regulating yours🙂.

Good luck 👍🏼

how to talk to you're partner without fighting ??

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