perineal tear😖

Guys I have a perineal tear that's gotten so bad it's down to my bum hole. It stings lately. It tore a little bit like 9 months ago and has kept getting worse, given it was my boyfriends fault and we haven't entirely stopped anything and I still wear thongs. But how do I make it better without stitches because my mom can't know how it happened. It gets really itchy sometimes, doesn't that mean it's healing? It's not infected. Please help.