CD32, AF Late, Unprotected 2.5Y, Actively Trying 1Y: Heartache
Officially, actively trying for 12 months and one week today. No BFPs, Chemicals, False Positives, anything. We stopped using birth control in 2012, but we were not actively trying. According to my documentation in Glow, my average cycle is 30-31 days which is normal. Now I am on CD32, but I know 28-35 is normal. People tell you "don't stress", "maybe it's just not meant to happen", "it will happen when it's time", "maybe it's a sign", and my personal favorites: "the world is so messed up why would you want to bring a child into anyway?" And "the Bible says that the Lord is coming back and maybe that's why you can't have a child"... All I know is the I feel called to be a mother. I cannot believe that I would hold this innate feeling if it weren't true. AF is two days late, and I am not excited. I'm disheartened. It's going to be a bigger blow as I am late to my average. I've already had two BFN's. I don't take every symptom as pregnancy and I only log the basics. I really don't think it's stress keeping us from having children. I have an arcuate uterus which I've been told doesn't affect fertility. I have been told I'm "normal", I have been told that my ovaries are "beautiful" but we haven't checked ovulation or testosterone levels, or his sperm... But now we've hit the 1 year mark of actively trying and I think it's time to consult a fertility specialist. I'm scared that if we go, I'm going to be told we can't have kids and it will be my fault. I already feel less than a woman because I can't do the most natural thing on Earth...
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