I'm 21. I live, work and spend 97% of my time with my family. I'm the oldest of 4 siblings. I raised my siblings. My mom always worked 2 jobs to keep food and a house for us. My dad was in a gang and in and out of jail. He's murdered, cheated (stopped a year and a half ago, as far as we know), did all sorts of drugs, had sex with family members all that. He's a great person. But in all honesty not a good father or dad. He dedicates his time to football now. His "other kids". He disrespects my siblings and momma a lot. I know deep deep deep deep down he loves me otherwise he wouldn't allow me to live with him and stay for free (stuff like that) I appreciate it. I atleast respect him for that. But growing up in a broken home and very dysfunctional family, its hard to love. I was raped until I was 9-10. I was raised by my grandpa (deserves to be my real dad) but he passed away 9 years ago. I am still in a verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive household. Once met my boyfriend and he is my all, he went through the same exact thing. It was so hard for me to open up to him and let him love me but he never gave up and broke through my walls and sees me for so much more than what I am. He genuinely loves me and knows how to handle all my brokenness. He's recently encountered a moment where my dad went psycho on me and abused me except physically, which is by far worse than physical abuse (to me), but my boyfriend is offering me to move in with him. I do want to but I'm afraid to leave my siblings and my momma. I'm the oldest I'm the one that steps in when my mom is weak and that's a lot. I love my family and would do anything for them but I can't stay in that sanity. I'm suffering and not happy. I keep everything to myself for the sake of myself and others. For example, my boyfriend is hidden from my family. They think we're just friends.  I'm sure they get a hint but I don't want anything to happen to him or anything to be jeopardized with us. I'm so lost and confused about it all but I'm ready to be on my own. I'm willing to struggle (financially and all that) but be happy with my boyfriend than stay in my house and have everything handed to me as apologies than be lonely and depressed all the time. I don't know what to do. Any advice helps. Thank y'all in advance!