My family is very judgmental and have been talking behind me and my fathers backs about how they think I will not make it anywhere in life. My dad is an amazing man and never second guesses me.

 But he isn't a very openly emotional person. I've struggled with anxiety, bipolar depression, and suicidal thoughts most of my life, and this whole thing with my family comes after a long 6 months of trying to recover from a 3 year verbally abusive relationship. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all the time, but it was enough that it took a toll on me. I still love him because before anything he was my best friend. He is also my cousins best friend, so he is still held very highly in my family and no one other than a close few believe that he talked to me the way he did. 

I have an amazing boyfriend now, that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world and whom I have known for 7+ years, but he is asleep right now and has been working a shit ton so I can't call him. I've had a really tough few weeks. I have been taking my meds correctly but with everything that has been happening I feel pretty shitty and worthless. 

Just tonight I took all my pocket knives that I carry with me out of my bag and took them to my best friend of 11 years' and asked her to put them where I can't get to them because I don't trust myself tonight. I've never done that for myself before. I'm strangely proud of myself but also terrified. I just feel like I need to be told I'm not a worthless piece of garbage. 

To all who have read this whole rant, thank you so much and I love each and every one of you because you are my people and you actually give a shit. Thank you ❤🙂