"Jinxing It"
Hi everyone. I finally got a BFP at 9 dpo TTC #1 for 8 mos. after a MC. I am 12 dpo today and BFP lines getting stronger and BBT remains elevated. We want this one to stick so badly, but I can't help feeling like I'm going to miscarry, even though I don't have any scary symptoms (...yet)
My logical mind knows for sure that all I can do at this point is take my prenatals and avoid smoking/drinking, and the rest is up to chance.
But I can't seem to get over this feeling like I could "jinx" this pregnancy by doing or saying the wrong thing. "If I look at too many things in the baby isle at the store I will have a MC". "If I tell my mom I'm PG I will have a MC" "If I don't pack tampons in my suitcase I'm going to have a miscarriage." Basically, if I WANT this pregnancy too much it's going to go away.
I know you're probably thinking, "relax, lady!" And believe me, I'm trying. I have suffered from a severe generalized anxiety disorder for many many years, but have had it very much under control with meds and CBT for the past five years. What I'm experiencing now is not so much panic and anxiety as dejection. Then I get excited again when I think of those BFPs getting stronger each day. And then when I realize I'm happy I feel like I jinxed it.
Anyone else in my boat now, or were you before? How are/were you coping? (If your urge is to tell me "just chill out!" or something along those lines, I KNOW, and it's not that simple, and it feels kindof horrible to hear.)
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