My Husband *update*
With blood shot tired eyes, I write this is in disbelief of myself. I'm ashamed actually. I've always been the most body positive person. I knew pregnancy brought stretch marks and I thought I was prepared. Thought. I was always commenting on other women's posts about embracing their stretch marks and loving their bodies, because pregnancy is a beautiful thing. But there I found myself today. 37 weeks pregnant, naked in a dressing room, judging myself. I don't have stretch marks on my tummy, but all down the back of my legs, on my butt, and some on my hips. Since I don't usually look back there, I had no idea they were there. I wasn't prepared. My husband has always been making sure to compliment me when he sees me get dressed or enter/exit the shower. Last week he sat me down and said with the most sincere face that I've only witnessed on our wedding day, "I just want to let you know that no matter how you see yourself in these coming weeks, know that I will always love you and think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on." Not realizing why he said it, I kind of laughed it off.. I had no idea why he was being so serious with me. I knew I gained 30 some pounds, but it more fillled me in than anything. Today, my husband picked out 3 baby shower dresses for me to try at Ross. I confidently joked with him, "Psh, all of these are going to look good on me." As I disrobed, the mirrors are so big and bright in there, I turned around to look at my growing booty, and there I saw them. Like a tiger and leopard had a baby, spots and stripes ran down my hips and thighs. I double took with shock. I quietly tried on the dresses, picked one I liked, then got the hell out of there. I didn't say anything to my husband, I didn't say much at all after that. After all the shopping was done, we got home and decided to take a shower. As he goes in the bathroom to get the shower started, I sheepishly took off my clothes in front of our bedroom mirror, looked at myself one more time and absolutely broke down. He came in the room to see what was taking me so long and there he saw me, a striped and spotted naked blob in the fetal position on our bed, having myself a very ugly cry. He rushes over and hugs me tight. He already knows why I'm sobbing. He lifts my chin up, kisses me through the tears and snot and tells me, "You are so beautiful." He then leads me to the shower, and while I cry, he cleans me. When I start to calm down, until the shower runs cold, he sings to me (making up his own lyrics, he is definitely not a singer) just to make me smile. We get out of the shower and he dries me off. We sit on the bed, naked, just talking. He gets up to get me a glass of water and I suddenly remember why I was sad. I still don't know if I was more sad about the marks themselves, or how embarrassed I felt by acting the way I did. I layed down and tried to take deep breaths, reminding myself that I'm not the only one with stretch marks, I'm not the only one who feels this way, and it's okay. He comes back, sits me up, and has me drink some water. He then tells me, "I want to show you how beautiful you are" and we end up having the most beautiful intimate experiences I've had with him. He took the time to really see me and kiss my spots and stripes. I've never felt so loved and so beautiful in that moment. Afterwards, he picked out jammies for me, and we ended up on the couch in the living room watching crappy tv, cuddling, eating my current craving, lemon-lime popsicles. Right now, he's asleep on the couch beside me, his hand on my striped thigh, and I've never been more in love than I am right now.
Wow! For writing this at like midnight the other night, I never expected to get so many responses! For those who have commented or will comment, I would just like to say thank you for sharing your stories with me, I've been reading every one of them. For those with supportive partners, you are truly lucky. I try not to take mine for granted. And for those with either unsupportive partners or those without, if you need some encouragement, here it is. We are all beautiful people. Our bodies were designed for pregnancy and each mark is a sign that YOU created a human, YOU did that. You created a beautiful little human (or humans) and should be damn proud of it!
My baby shower was a success by the way, and so was the dress I picked out!
Yes, we do have fried chicken in our hands. Baby wants what baby wants!!
*UPDATE #2* July 3, 2019
I still read all the old comments from time to time. I promised I would do an update when I had my son, but LIFE HAPPENS!! My baby boy Mikey turned 2 years old yesterday! The time FLEW! I could’ve sworn I just gave birth. A ~few~ things have happened since I posted this;
• I had an emergency cesarean
• I can’t even look at a lemon-lime popsicle
• I HAVE A TODDLER
etc etc etc
I want to write about my birth story and the effects that parenting has had on my life.. but I’m just so busy and tired all the time. I thought I was tired during pregnancy? I laugh at my former self. I want everyone who reads this update (if anyone does at all) to know that I would love an update on your life as well! If you were pregnant the same time I was, if you’re pregnant now, if you’re ttc, or just out here living your best life as a free agent! I also consider myself a good vent buddy. Queue Friends theme song “I’ll be there for you!!” My husband and I are ~not not~ trying for baby no.2 - we are simply going with the flow as they say. Thank you again to everyone who commented on this post a little over 2 years ago. Whether you ever read this update or not, I just want to let you know that your words really helped my pregnancy journey and I can’t wait for another journey with you all!