I would love to share my story with you all today not only because It helps me talking about it but I wish someone told me that this is something I will live with for the rest of my life .. I only heard stories where women will take the abortion pill or do the surgery and feel instant relief, well I feel the exact opposite! Am flooded with feelings off regret!!!! Lose .. I have depression for it it was very traumatic for me ... let me start by saying.. I LOVE children!.. I grow up babysitting and au pairing.. I always wanted one of my own .. so when I found out I was pregnant I was scared but excited!.. filled with joy and happiness.. then I told the "father ... I have known him for over 4 years and by that I mean .. "when we first met it was at a club .. I had a 3some with him and a gf of mine "plz don't judge "... he was the second guy I had ever slept with .. I was very attracted to him .. we kept sleeping together since then .. he then began asking me out on dates to diner or the movies.. "he just seemed like a player he's very attractive and women push themselves on him a lot so I was insecure and thought he would cheat on me and I was young at the time I never had a bf before so we just became sex buddies .... fast track to last April 2016.. we began  hooking up .. in may I got pregnant .. when I told him he then told me his gf "which lived in a next country " is also pregnant... my heart broke right then !!!. I felt like I had no right to be upset ..even though I new him longer and he spent more time with me ..  I cried about it for days !!!!!! my friends all told me it's best to have a abortion... he asked me what I wanted to do and I told him I'll have the abortion "I really did not want too!!!! But ..there was no way I could bring this child into this situation  and not as the "side chick ... I didn't want my baby to feel like a mistake .. i went to get a ultrasound and I saw my baby!! I heard the heart beats.. I became in love with my baby and at this time by belly started to show I was having morning sickness and all the pregnancy symptoms.. at 9weeks and 4 days pregnant I decided to take the pills .. while he did offer to be there with me I stayed at home alone and did it ... it was the most traumatic experience in my life !!!! I instantly felt like I was going to die , there was goshes of blood and so painful ..  it kills me today because I wish he said we should keep the baby .. but in December his gf had her baby boy .. I honestly just wanted to die .. I became a bit obsessed with wanting to see her baby just to see how my son/daughter would have looked like .. I no longer talk to him , I tried sharing my pain about it with him and he made me feel like I have no right to be sad about it and I should move on with my life ,.. now  I have a bf that treats me amazing ... but seeing how happy he is with his new baby kills me and I also did the abortion because I did not want to break up his family but now his gf and him are not together.. so I feel it was all for nothing and I could off had my baby ! now am trying to have a baby with my bf of 7months and it's not easy !!! Am not having any luck .. it hurts seeing pregnant people and babies.. the pain is still strong .. I fall apart on dates like my due date.... people tell me all the time to move on and it's a normal thing ,people do it everyday ....I thought I was doing the best thing for my baby but now looking back i was being selfish , I am truly sorry and I wish I can take it back ...  and I have looked for groups that can help me .. but sadly I live on a small Caribbean island and there are non .. so what I will like to end with is .. plz GO WITH YOUR HEART!!!! And believe that god will help you .. plz don't judge my situation I already beat myself up about it every day !!!