*Please read before poll!*
(Sorry in advance for such a long post)
So ever since I've started dating my soon to be husband my mother has never liked him. Neither one of us know what had happened to cross that line. I had thought that she wants me to do better, as in date someone else. She constantly says how she really liked my high school boyfriend and she would love to see us back together even though she knows that he had cheated on me and I would never go back. Anyways fast forward a couple years and I find J, we are dating for about a year with lots of ups and downs because I had enlisted in the military. So being away from home is stressful enough. When I had graduated from Basic Training, J couldn't make it because he was tight on money and my Mother had always criticized him for not making it even though he came down to see me before I had graduated from school a month later. Now I get a week off before I need to go to my next assignment. I wanted to stay with J because I want to spend as much time with the man I love. Of course I go to see my family and everything. the day I come home after a 5 hour flight my mother expects me to go straight over to their house and after that long I just want to go to bed. So I see them the next day. I go back to J's house to sleep and notice my breast are extremely sensitive and I wasn't feeling well, J and I just laughed it off saying I was having pregnancy symptoms but the more we thought about it the more we realized that very well could be a possibility. So we find out that night that I was expecting. We are nervous, scared, and excited. J's family was nothing but happy and excited for us! My mother on the other hand got physically sick when we told her. A couple weeks later J proposed and I went over to my moms by myself to tell her that we are getting married. My mother calls J and tells him that I have been cheating on him for our entire relationship (which isn't true) and that the baby isn't his (also not true). I leave angry and end up not talking to her for 3 months.
Within those 3 months I had a miscarriage and was suffering from depression. I am away from home at my duty station which is 6 hours away so every other weekend I would come home to see J and our puppy that we got to help me cope with loosing our baby.
I am looking to my family for advice on if I want to have a relationship with my mother or not. My Grandma (my moms, mom) suggested that I should ask for an apology and see if we can meet up for a public lunch so she couldn't cause a scene. She agreed that we can have lunch and she would apologize in person to both J and I. And we begin talking again, not about personal things just mostly family gatherings and her foster kids.
Now current events!
I had gotten out of the military and am home full time, working a civilian job, and living with J. J and I have yet to be offered a time for when we can meet up for lunch. Therefore she still hasn't apologized for the hateful comments she said. I feel it's because if she does apologize then she is admitting that she is wrong and she can never be wrong. Everything is always someone else's fault.
I found out that we are expecting our rainbow baby and we couldn't be more excited! We had to do some moving of our wedding dates because there was no way that I was walking down the isle at 9 months pregnant. My mother had explained that they are not putting any money into the wedding (which I could care less about) and that she was not going to have a bridal shower because she doesn't want to support us getting married. We had changed the wedding date and I hadn't told her the day that we had picked because I figured she wouldn't care. She has no interest in attending and is sounding like she is forcing my father to not go either. But when she was complaining that she had to find out through a family member she got upset with me. I just brushed it off.
Later I get a call from my grandma asking if she knows if my mom is setting up a baby for me and I said I didn't know. My mom seems to support the baby but not the wedding. So I call my mom and ask her if she is planning on setting one up. She said she hadn't thought about it that she would if she had time. (She has 2 foster babies under 2. So she never has time). She gets mad at me for asking if she is going to set one up because I say if she doesn't have time I could always ask grandma to set one. Then she gets real defensive saying that I shouldn't have anyone else set it up beside her. But there is no way in hell she is going to have a bridal shower because of her views on us getting married. So there is the big "I'm not sorry and I'm not going to apologize" slap in my face.
At this point I have lots of things going through my mind. "Why doesn't she like him? Why can't she see that he is making an effort to make our relationship better? (He goes to every family thing we can make it to) If she doesn't support the wedding and doesn't like J, will she hurt the baby just because it's his? Do I want to keep trying to mend a relationship? And how does my Dad feel about what's going on?" And much more.
We are going to my parents for Father's Day and J and I had a conversation about if he should go. More like a fight, because he is sick of trying and not getting results and it is very uncomfortable for both of us. After that slap in the face I told him that I don't want him going. The only reason I am going is because it's for Father's Day and I have an ok relationship with him.
After this I feel like I just want to leave her and let her be mad at whatever J and I had done to her. I've been trying for 2 years to get them to be civil and my mom just keeps making comments to degrade him and our relationship. So every time I think we move forward, it's like taking 10 steps back.
Of course my grandma wants me to keep trying and be patient. But it's not about patience anymore. I just don't trust her. My mother clearly hates J.
Should I keep trying to mend the relationship with my mother and myself, even if she doesn't like my fiancé?
Vote below to see results!
Comment
Add Comment
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
