I'm 22 years old and when I was 15 years old I was raped. He was 17 at the time and we went to school together. At that time I was a wild child, I partied like I was grown and had no idea what a mess I was. I would constantly be at his house almost every weekend drinking with my friends and we had had a sexual relationship prior to this for nearly a year. Because of that is why I never admitted that I had been raped. I thought that because we had previously had sex multiple times that it couldn't possibly have been rape. I can remember it vividly in my head though. Still to this day. I was drunk and so was he, I went inside to sleep as it was around 4 in the morning and all of our friends had already fallen asleep. He followed me in and as I laid down he tried wrestling my shorts off. I told him no, not tonight because I was on my period. I had a tampon in. He held me down and forced himself on me and basically shoved my tampon really far inside me. (Sorry for being gruesome.) I tried fighting him off but I was only 130 pounds at the time and he was a big guy. Roughly 200 pounds I'd say. I cried and tried to scream but he put his forearm over my mouth. I eventually gave up and just laid there lifeless until it was over and he went to shower. I left and walked home and just told my mom that I had gotten sick and had my friends mom bring me home. (She thought I was staying with a friend.) I made my own doctors appointment the next day to have the tampon removed. Mom just thought I was going because I was sick. I really beat it into my head that I wasn't raped. It took me two years after the incident and speaking with my counselor for me to realise it. Even though the nightmares have haunted me since that night and my anxiety and depression increased. I never told my parents. The only person who knows about it to this day are my best friend and my boyfriend of a few years. When I was about 20 he was charged with raping a 14 year old girl but he got away with it. The guilt I feel because of that is overwhelming. I never came forward and I feel if I had I could have prevented it from happening to someone else. I deal with those feelings daily. I hadn't seen him since he graduated high school and I eventually was homeschooled. Until two days ago. I ran into him at a gas station in our small town. My hands immediately began to tremble and I ran into the bathroom to hide until he left. Especially considering he tried to speak to me. Now the nightmares are back at full speed. I thought I was getting over it and now I'm stuck back at square one. Just wanted to get it all off my chest, to see maybe if it would help ease my anxiety. Thanks for listening.