It's hard to lose someone you love. But it's even harder to lose yourself while loving them. You know you love someone when the mere thought of losing them brings you to tears; & so it happened ; innalilahi wainna ilayhi raajiun. May 28,2017 at 4:34am my beautiful angel Nailah passed away in my arms.

 The first roza after Iftar, I went back to the hospital that night and the nurse told me the doctors wanted to speak to my husband and I. We wished to hear some good news but what the doctor told us was really hard to hear and accept. The doctors said she was in a lot of pain so it was best we decide to pull the tube out. She was depending on the oxygen and ventilation. She was only getting worse with time & everything ended in a blink of an eye. We had such high hopes that Nailah would survive but Allah is the planner of all planners. Her immune system was really weak but her illness still remains unknown and rare. She suffered with IMMENSE pain and as parents, we wanted the best for Nailah and so we chose to let her go. The tube was pulled out at 4:14am and she was breathing on her own for 20 minutes.. she tried her best and after 69 days, her life was over. I heard the dreaded words "death" stating the finality of my only child's death. For my husband and I, it had been the beginning of a journey of sorrow. When Nailah passed away, I barely used any tears. It was like I was sobbing inside with nothing coming out of my eyes. She was truly a fighter . Sadly, at 4:34am the doctor announced her death. Her heart beat stopped. She was gone. We were and still are devastated. We can't believe she's gone so soon. But seeing her at peace made us feel better. My daughter went through a lot the two months she was at the hospital. Tons of blood work every SINGLE DAY every COUPLE hours . It was a lot to take in as first time parents. I pray no one goes through what my husband and I went through. When she was transferred from East General to Sick Kids, we got our hopes high and thought she would recover in a week or two. But sadly that didn't happen. Her condition just continued to worsen. I had imagined my entire life ahead with her. I miss changing her diaper, waking up next to her, holding her in my arms , kissing her, and most of all her beautiful eyes Mashallah. She had this spark that's hard to forget. Everytime I close my eyes, I just see her face when she was trying so hard to breathe without the tube. I felt so helpless. I wish I could've saved her from the pain. 

Last night was the first night after she passed away, and every night my husband or I would call the nurse to get updates about Nailah. Last night I picked up the phone and called NICU, and realized what I had done. I forgot. She wasn't in room 4 anymore. She wasn't at Sick Kids hospital anymore. She was no more. I will never be able to walk into Sick Kids hospital ever again without remembering her. No matter how many kids Allah grants us with, forgetting what Nailah went through will always remain in our hearts. She was one in a million 💕

During her two month stay at the hospital, a lot of family and friends kept up with Nailahs condition and I would like to thank everyone for the amount of moral support we got. A lot of you made lots of dua for Nailah and my family. My husband and I really appreciate it. I would like to request you all to continue remembering Nailah my husband and I in your prayers & that Allah gives us the strength to cope with this pain and Allah grants us healthy, strong, beautiful children in the future with a long life span . Inshallah, Ameen.