That after dating really shitty boyfriends you'll never be happy. I hate myself for pretty much giving anyone a chance and for always having the shittiest luck when it comes to guys. I have one female friend out of many that had to get a restraining order against another male but the worst he did was push her, and I've had female friends that have been raped but they usually had a family member or boyfriend to kick the dudes ass and fuck him up and then heal the damage. My other female friends that got cheated on didn't put up with anything to the extent that I did and I just feel that I will never date a guy or be happy ever again. Now I'm really picky about meeting people, I don't care for sex, my horny male friends think I'm odd because I don't sleep around and I have been celibate since October 2015 and I just don't feel on par with the rest of my friends. I hate how when it happened to me I didn't have anyone to talk to and I dreaded going to counseling. It just felt stupid. I kind of regret not shooting the guy in the head in his sleep when I was 15 because looking back I allowed him to blame me for his wrong doings. His friends made me feel I should let it go and not contest I was raped and pretend it didn't happen and try to ignore them, but they kept trying to taunt me and instigate things and I fucking wanted to kill myself every day.