It's a constant battle with my mind and my heart. I left this man back in December for 2 months. Apparently it is wasn't enough time for him or me to really figure out what we wanted. This is been the hardest most difficult relationship I feel that I've ever been in. To be so in love with someone and for him to be completely impossible. My heart hurts with him more than its happy. When I'm away from him my heart just simply hurts. He doesn't respect me the way a man should respect his woman! I'm not perfect but I can honestly say with every beat of my heart that I have been open to him from the day that I finally allowed my heart to open again. I haven't loved like this since 2008 and it hurts so much to be let down again. 80% of the day everyday this man is angry about something....... If someone upsets him than I am the punching bag for all words of anger and physical abuse. He compares me all the time to his ex that he has 4 children with. Saying things like!! My ex is a better mother than you! Better body!! Bigger ass.... better woman than you. Telling me that he will never respect me the way he does her! That she has children with him and deserves all his respect. I don't have anything and I'm not his wife, so therefore I have to earn his respect. Yells at me to go find another man and that I'm so nasty for having failed relationships. Gets mad at me when my children call and I stop whatever he wants me to do so that I can speak to them. Mine are grown yes!!! But they are still my children. When he isn't mad he cries and tells me that he is so sorry and never meant any of those harsh words against me. That he never meant to physically hurt me!! But there is always something that I did apparently to make him do it. He tells me that he loves me! But yet every time he is upset he sais the same things to me. It's like a broken record. I have pulled myself away from abusive, toxic relationships before!! But for some reason I deeply fell in love with this man and now the thought of leaving for good my heart literally feel as if it's ripping right out of my heart. I don't know if I'm looking for answers or just needed a place to vent? 😢