I was always taught abstinence based sex education until I was about 15, though around 14 I started looking for answers myself mostly on sex positive feminist websites and here, but a lot of the abstinence based education I got I've noticed has really stuck with me because it essentially made me fearful. I'm 18 now and I didn't notice how fearful it made me until last night when I was completely naked underneath my boyfriend and having consented to sex when before we started I freaked out last second and told him I couldn't do it, not to mention about a half an hour before hand he left the room to grab a condom and I almost had a panic attack. I think the idea of losing my virginity freaks me out because I feel it will make me impure/a sinner since that was what I was always told even though I'm not really religious. I want to know if anyone else had been taught abstinence based and how you reacted when you started being sexually active? And how did you deal with it?