Is it fair to have a lot of children and make the older ones take care of their younger siblings?

Question

I watched a crime show about a young girl probably 16 who ended up in juvie for skipping school and smoking weed and when it came time for sentencing in family court, the mother asked the judge to let her out because the mom worked rotating shifts that were crazy hours. She was barely home and had 5 other kids who were younger and the mom said she needed the daughter to help watch and take care of the kids. Part of me felt like this is why the young girl was acting out and the judges said that she should be home because watching her siblings would keep her in line. I just don't think so because obviously she's been taking care of them her whole life and it didn't seem like she ever had her own until she started to rebel. They never talked about the father but he didn't seem to be in the picture

Answer

I think there is a limit to how much you should rely on the older child to watch the younger ones. Do I expect a 15 year old to be able to feed the kids while I'm cleaning the house for example? Hell yes. Now if I were working a double graveyard shift there is no way I would put that much responsibility on someone so young. As a parent I believe you need to make the responsibility appropriate to the age as well as developmental stage of the child.

Answer

Fuck no. I was just watching an episode of Supernanny the other day where the woman had 10 kids, couldn't parent them for shit and forced the older 3 to care for the rest. She also wanted 2 more because it was 'her dream' to have 12 despite her husband saying he didn't want more (she said something along the lines of "well I'm getting 12 one way or another". Man that episode still has me raging.

Don't have them if you can't look after them yourself. These poor kids didn't ask to put their lives on hold to suffer for their parents' selfishness.

Answer

My husband missed out of his a level exams because he was taking care of his younger brother after his father walked out on them. His sister also spent a lot of her formative years caring for him. It really screwed thongs up for both of them. Everything worked out in the end career wise and so on but the emotional toll hasn't fully subsided. Their parents essentially forced the two into being a substitute mother and father for their brother. Very unfair.

Answer

This boils my blood. Children don't get a say in you having more children and shouldn't be expected to raise them. Raising children doesn't teach them responsibility. That's your job. 
Sadly many children miss educational time caring for younger siblings.

Answer

I think older children babysitting the younger children for an hour or so every now and then is completely fine. Expecting them to care for them everyday is something I'd consider child abuse. Children are not your nannies and maids. They should not be born with the expectation of being a caretaker to the other children. It's their job to be a child, not a parent. It has negative effects on them and they're often resentful towards the parents and even the kids sometimes. It's not a healthy situation.

Answer

The mother had all the babies not the daughter. Children should never have to raise other children except under special circumstances

Answer

I know a family with 6 boys, and the mom is super hands on, doing everything, the dad is ok, but pretty much useless without help, the oldest 3 are 17 16 and 14, and they help out a lot, but the parents only ever have them watch their siblings until the sitter gets there or over night, and they usually also have a 19 year old German boy who lives with them also there to help, they don't expect the kids to pretty much parent them, but they ask them to help out when things get a bit to much

Answer

I believe it's good for the older children to learn responsibility and grow closer to their siblings when they babysit and do small chores like maybe fixing breakfast for everyone.. Like learning how to care for others. But that is so extreme and I do not agree with that

Answer

Umm.. No. If you want to have children that's your choice you shouldnt have more children than you are capable of taking care of. And making your older children take care of them is incredibly selfish and not their obligation.

Answer

Ideally, I don't think it's an older sibling's responsibility at all. However, the more I meet struggling parents the more I understand why they rely on the older ones. It's hard to judge without being in their shoes. I've met teens who work to help pay the bills, and teens who raise elementary and younger siblings. We all know it is incredibly difficult, but I wouldn't be so fast to blame the parent. There are too many factors in someone's journey to judge the parent.

Is it fair to have a lot of children and make the older ones take care of their younger siblings?

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