Liam, our 4th baby, is 9 weeks old. (His siblings are all older. Liam Was in the nicu the first month of his life. So he's only been "home" roughly 5 weeks.

I started noticing little things in my mental state at around 3 weeks of age.

But now? Now I feel like all I wanna do is sleep. Or cry. (Most days) except it's not as bad when I do get "better" sleep.

Aka: a 4-5 hour chunk of restful sleep.

Me and hubby switch off nights but now he's leaving for out of town work bc its our only option and we need it financially. So he'll be home 2nights/days a week.

I only have my mom as far as family goes. And she's helpful but she's not a replacement spouse. Ya know.

Also, our other kids don't get as much attn from me bc when baby sleeps or naps I want to sleep and nap.

They're almost 13 and twins almost 10.

Very independent, mature, (and mostly) self reliant, etc. Actually my oldest just left for a week vacation to cedar point in Ohio, (with a friend) so it's just me, the twins and baby.

Yet I feel so alone? I'm not alone.

I'm tired. I'm tired of crying. I'm tied of feeling like I want to "give up. " (obviously not an option! Lol)

I never had ppd before but I do have PMDD. and anxiety.

I just set up an appt for Friday with a psych dr and a therapist.

I'm scared to be put on medicine that will make me feel like a zombie .

Any advice on ppd? Until I can get it under control?

Sometimes I wish I just had someone to talk to who understands it.

Boy, after 12 years you def. Forget how brutal those sleepless nights AND days can be. But it's the other feelings that are really getting me down.

I guess there's no coping with sleep loss! *damn tears*!!!! Why won't they stop?!?!?!