awful thoughts of hurting my baby

Pleas please don't judge me, I'm asking for advice. I know I'm not normal and I hate myself. I keep have visions of hurting my baby, the other day he was in his cot and I was putting something up in his bedroom and I suddenly got a thought of attacking him with the hammer I love my baby so so much and I would never ever. My partner doesn't live with me so unless I have a genuine reason he won't come down (obviously I can't tell him) my baby is 11 months so it's not post natal depression. I don't feel depressed either I hate it please help I'm living with him on my own and so scared😭😭