I wonder.

I know I should be happy with my relationship. I am happy with my relationship. It's just sometimes I doubt. We met and had sex a month later using all precautions but we still ended up pregnant. So two months after meeting we were parents. We never got to get to know each other like normal couples got to. And for that reason and that reason only I sometimes wonder if he's only with me out of obligation. He's reassured me countless times when it seemed hopeless for our relationship and I asked and he always told me he loved me but he refuses to marry me it went from not wanting to get married because of a baby, to we need to pay our bills off, to let's get married at the courthouse, to oh now you want to get married at the courthouse well nevermind we need a wedding, to completely silent about that. Yes it was a sore subject for us but he always brought it up and now for months it's been silent. And he's not a touchy person, he isn't open about his feelings or any of that so in all honestly I have no idea what's going on in his head. So of course I would doubt his love. He hasn't done anything to make me doubt other than the fact he doesn't try. And I wonder about everything. I wonder if we would still be together if we didn't have a baby together, if he loves me only because I am the mother of his child. I don't need passion every single day. But sometimes it would be nice. I would like to be intimate more than once a month. I am not complaining because I am very blessed. I just wanted to get my thoughts out there without saying them to him....