I work at the mall and on my breaks I usually go to the food court and walk around for a little bit. Today, I was going down on the escalator and I saw this group of guys going up on the escalator on the other side and one of them looked identical to Ben. I was so scared/intrigued, I didn't know what to do. I hurried down the escalator and went back up on the other side. He and his friends had already gotten off so I ran to catch up with them. I don't know what the hell I was doing but I followed them around the mall, in and out of stores for at least 20 minutes. I know it's crazy and I felt so so crazy for doing it but I just couldn't stop. I followed them into Spencer's and he was being immature in there (like most guys are) but his mannerisms, the things he was saying reminded me so much of Ben. I was just standing there staring and tearing up and he gave me the weirdest look and asked me if I was ok. I said no and started bawling. I was so embarrassed because his friends and everyone else was staring at me. I asked him if I could talk to him somewhere. We walked outside the store and stood off to the side and I told him why I was crying and that I was following him. All he said was wow. I could tell he was creeped out but he wasn't being rude and making me feel crazy about it. He told me his best friend died when he was in middle school and he knew what it felt like to lose someone you were really close to. Hearing him talk really made me feel like I was talking to Ben and I know that sounds so fucking crazy. He told me he and his friends were going to go to the food court and that it was nice talking to me. I really didn't want to stop talking to him so I asked him where he was going after they ate and he said they were just going to shop around a bit and he asked me what I wa doing to be doing. I told him I worked at urban outfitters and I was going to be there till the mall closed. Then he said he and his friends would definitely be going there and that he'd look for me. I said ok and we both left. I went back to work but I couldn't even focus. The entire time I was thinking about him. But he ended up never coming. I wasn't sure if he forgot or if something came up or if he never planned on coming anyway. I walked around the mall a little bit even as stores were closing to see if I'd run into him. I never saw him. It was honestly the scariest thing I'd ever witnessed in my entire life. I've had at least 3 long crying sessions since I've gotten off work. It's almost 3 AM and I have to be up for work in the morning but my mind won't stop roaming. I felt like I was with Ben today. I've never been religious or believed in all that weird shit but maybe it was an angel or a sign sent from God. I honestly don't know.

A part of me hopes that I might see him again tomorrow but another part of me knows that I'll probably never see him again.