I have two children from my very unhappy first marriage. I have finally met my soulmate and we didn't think we could conceive. By some miracle we did and we were so excited. We booked a private scan for 12 weeks. We went along thinking this could be the time we could relax only to be told our baby had a cystic hygroma. To cut a long story short after several scans and hospital visits  we were told our baby had died at 14 weeks. I delivered our baby two weeks later in a hospital environment. Our baby was blessed by the hospital chaplain and we decided not to see him but we asked for some photos to be taken, I now sleep with these photos under my pillow. We were looked after by some very young but wonderful nurses who saw things that day that no one should ever have to see. I was discharged the next day, my bleeding had slowed down and I had no pain. However, I was given no after care advice on what to expect other than you will have a period in 4 - 6 weeks. I am sat here writing this 8 weeks later, the grief is more raw today than it has ever been, I am alienating everyone that loves me. My partner is going through this too, I am very aware of that. He has been amazing. He sat with me as I delivered our baby first and then the remaining tissue, he has sat in the bathroom and dealt with soiled underwear and sanitary towels, dealt with this sobbing, emotional mess that looks vaguely like the woman he loves. In the first few weeks I bled as expected and then everything settled down for about 4 weeks. Then last tues I was lying on our bed and I started bleeding. It wasn't just a little bit of blood it was everywhere. Then the same thing happened in work yesterday. Blood, clots, everything. I am still bleeding now. I have been back to my doctors several times. I've been poked, prodded, had blood and swabs taken and I am literally sick to death of hearing the words " We just don't know, every woman is different". Nobody talks about what happens after a miscarriage, it's all so vague and so very frustrating. I feel like my body has let me down in the worst way and is continuing to do so. I am angry, I am hurt, I am resentful. I am tired of grieving, I am tired of people telling me they are sorry for our loss, I am tired of moaning at my ever loving and supportive partner. I know I should be grateful for the things we do have but I am just so angry at how unfair it is to be sleeping with out baby's picture under my pillow instead of cradling our growing baby in my belly. I'm not looking for sympathy, or anything like that. I know I'm not the only person to suffer this unbearable loss but I needed to get all of this out in the hope that I can move on with my soulmate and eventually try again.