When I had my daughter, I immediately began struggling with PPD. She was born several weeks early, and luckily had no health issues. Unfortunately, she struggled with breastfeeding. So, I pumped. I had a low supply, and had to supplement a lot. No matter what I tried, I just couldn't get my supply up, at after a few months I gave in and put her on formula. I cried and cried. But you know what? She is healthy and she got fed. I felt like a failure. I'm not!

We moved nine hours away from my home town and all of my family for my husband's job. My depression got worse. My husband and I fought all the time. I became angry all the time. I was afraid I was going to hurt this angel of mine. I felt like a failure. I'm not!

We were able to come back home but we had nowhere to go, so we moved in with my in laws. My husband got laid off shortly after coming back home, and I was working part time at a car dealership and there just wasn't enough business to keep me. We lost our jobs within a couple weeks of each other. We were now stuck. I felt like a failure. I'm not!

My father in law is verbally abusive and a middle aged bully. I stood up for myself and my daughter, and my husband. My father in law threatened us by saying he'd put me in jail (with zero reason) because "he works with the city police and has authority". And we left the next day to come to my parents. I felt like a failure. I'm not.

See, eventually things really DO get better. My parents are letting us stay with them for now. My dad is helping me get back into college. My husband now has a job working for the government, getting paid more than he ever has before. I have a job interview lined up We're going​ to be out on our own soon. And guess what? It's been several weeks since I had a depression spell. It's been about 4 months since I thought about hurting myself. It's been about 6 months since I was last afraid of hurting my baby. It DOES get better and THERE IS NO SHAME in PPD.

I went to the doctor, and got put on medication. I don't take the medicine anymore. I'm as broke as I have ever been in my life, and things are just now starting to look up. But, I'm genuinely happy and happy to be a mama. Don't give up. Get help. Don't be hard on yourself. You're amazing and your baby is amazing. One day , you'll be able to take a picture, and that smile? It'll be real. It won't be forced. It'll be amazing because you know the darkness and you're in the light!