the sun is rising

I remember everything though, so vividly.. the way he'd say, "umm" all the time, so smoothly in every sentence.. the way he'd get excited ordering at a drive thru. That time he made me a mixtape cuz I liked his taste in music when he'd drive me home from class. When he'd do my homework for me and I'd email him the answers for the next homework in return.. how nervous I felt sitting next to him.. that day the class played jeapordy and there was an open seat next to him when I was surrounded.. and I got ballsy and went to go sit next to him, heart pounding and all.. how much I dreamed of holding his hand back then.. our first almost-kiss, and the song that played in the background.. our many almoskisses-butweretooscaredtokiss-kisses.. the way we'd walk through the mall with mall music playing that synchronized with every feeling I had for him.. how bright the world looked when he was around.. how softly he touched me, like he was nervous too.. the walks on the beach when I'd wear combat boots and a poofy bridesmaid dress, and he wore a suit, n I found a frog n it hopped on him.. the time we went to my friends band concert n went in the mosh pit, he pushed me so softly.. and I pushed him back, playfully.. waiting in line at Starbucks and I'd steal his car keys and he stole my phone in return.. were like little kids every time we see each other..

That time he took a poop and I went in to hug him, and he pooped mid-hug.. that time I laughed while kissing him cuz I was shy, which made him laugh, and he snotted on my face.. it was so damn beautiful.. those times he laughed himself to tears at my jokes.. we used to laugh so much together.. that time we hung out with his friends at the boardwalk strip, sipping champagne to celebrate their success.. holding hands softly, just enjoying being around each other.. 

He likes someone else, and I for the life of me do not understand why. That time he cried post-coitus after not seeing each other for a long time.. the time he poured coffee into my green eggs and ham.. all those times he's seen me cry.. just playing video games or watching Netflix with him was the most amazing shit ever.. the haunted rollercoaster rides.. his chapped lips, and how my face would get red from his beard.. when he'd last 2 minutes.. when he farted in the DMV hallway, and jus kept farting and laughing.. free waffle cookie samples that time we got coffees.. the first time we went out to eat, was a candlelit restaurant.. the graffiti walk.. I could go on forever with this, but u get the point.. how could he not feel the same? I don't believe he doesn't.. I think he's just scared..