Not my choice

I have been with my fiancé for 7 years now I got raped when I was in my early teenage years by a man who married into my family. My fiancé knows and has always know but for some reason right now for the past few months I can't get it out of my head. He has never saod to me it's wierd or he feels different about me he's always been super Careful with me ( in the early years) he knows what I like now :-) but why am I feeling like this now after all these years I cannot get this strange feeling out of.my head that I feel dirty and I can't stop. Thinking of how I should have been able to.choice when and who I wanted too anyone else experienced this after so many years