So I've never posted on her and I wasn't sure if this is the right place but due to everything going on in my life I need a place to dump my thoughts. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. I have not not meet his parents yet due to religious differences. He is and was raised Mormon. He at the moment dose not practice the faith or attend church of his own free will and had not for a while even before he meet me. He has expressed a desire to rejoin the church at some point which I have no problems with. I myself would like and believe in raising my children under a church because children need foundation. I am open to learning more about Mormonism and the potential of joining the community. I was raised by strict religious parents which made me question my own faith and gave me the desire to leave it and learn about others. I believe in being tolerant of other people's religions and beliefs and I will raise my kids to be as well, but I will to a certain point not push my children to be a part of something that they don't believe in or no longer wish to be part of. For instance if one of my children is gay which is not excepted in the Mormon community. I am a proud bisexual woman who manly dated woman for a majority of my life due to a past filled with abuse by men that took many years to over come. So I already have a very healthy hesitation of meeting them since I know I'm at the bottom the list of woman they would pick for their son. I feel like my boyfriend put off telling them about me because he was in denial of what their reaction would be and I was scared that despite how wonderful of a human being I know I am that they would hate me. Also because am loud and very proud of who I am and everything that I have overcome and stand for and against. I have no problem stating my opinion and standing up up for myself and others when under attack. After Ryan (boyfriend) and I talked about it my hesitation and planed on me meeting them I genuinely hoped that this time he would be right. That they would like me and that what mattered was that he is happy. I have meet other family members and close family friends such as cousins and his childhood friend and his family who all like me very much. I have meet one of his sister who also doesn't really practice the faith who until recently I believed liked me. All three of us had planed on moving into a house together. I knew due to that they would find out about me and I told Ryan that. After his parents found out that they would be living together they started to inquire about who else would be living with them. She didn't say anything but of course his dad calls Ryan and he's not going to lie to him and he told him about me. At first everything is good and we can come over whenever for me to meet them. About a week goes by and Ryan goes home for his dads birthday dinner thing. He picks me up for work and his sister no longer wants to move in with us for several unrelated reasons that seem like his parents talked her into that are valid but should have be discussed with us and could be remedied. Also even Ryan feels like his dad backed her into a corner about the whole thing. It also came with a read between the lines of we're obviously trying to get rid of you. A day or two later Ryan has to help his dad tow a car, he came back so upset and distraught trying to hold back his emotions and holding in his tears. I knew something was wrong it took a while for him to let it out but his dad told him to break up with me. I love Ryan more than words can express. He is always there when I need him and has stuck though all my up and down struggles with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I could not have asked for a kinder, sweeter more handsome, happy go lucky, patient and all around AMAZING man to love me . I feel like my whole world has fallen apart since on another note my baby sister whom I am closest with got into a fight and at the moment are not speaking to each other, which is the main reason I'm posting here to clear my head and heart. I want to one day marry Ryan and have children and grow old with him. I know that I'm going to have to grin and bare lots of this and to kill it with kindness. My heart hurts so much at the situation that is tearing me part and is making Ryan feel torn in half because he loves me and doesn't want to loose me and certainly doesn't want to break up with me. Having been in his shoes and gone through same thing with my ex fiancé which caused my parents to basically disown me and took many years to rebuild our relationship to where it is today it hurts even more to see Ryan feel this way. I will even if he decided to leave me I will still love him and support him through whatever decision he makes. I was really looking forward to his sister living with us even with any sacrifices I would have to make for it to work for all parties involved. I don't have many friends or even girl friends and am very bad at making them due to a very introverted personality that enjoys the company of animals over people. I was hoping that we would be able to become close and good friends and now I feel so hurt broken and torn down in the situation overall. Well I feel like this is long enough even with so much unsaid I just want to say thank you to all who stayed and read the whole crazy novel. I feel much better and more clear minded.

The pic is unrelated I don't have a lot of photos of us and even though I feel like I look super gross it's one of my fav 😍😍😍 he's so cute when he sleeps!!!!