Sex & Relationships
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it's ok not to be ok
The last 3 days has been indescribable.
My partner became mentally unstable showing signs of drug induced mental issues including becoming paranoid and fearful the everyone is out to kill him. He would flip very quickly and even ask me if I am in on the "plan". I would comfort him even as he showered laying in the feral position crying hysterically. I tried my best to just hold him and hope for him to see that it was all in his head. He then started to ask me for a DNA test as he did not think this child I am now 30weeks pregnant with, was his. His mother made mention of it when I first told him, trying to convince him that it was not his child.
He then in moments would say I am a sadistic satanic slut but then moments later forget he said then and go back to saying how much loves me and just wants to protect me and how he would never hurt me. About 2 weeks ago my partner told his mother she is not to have anything to do with me and his children after her manipulating games she was continuing to play. But through his paranoia he became fearful that his mum was going to be harmed during her hospital stay for a minor medical procedure. So on his lunch break yesterday I took him to see her so that he can be reassured that she was not dying and was ok. Prior to entering the room he agreed to stay calm and just say hi. The moment we got to the room he placed my handbag down (filled with court documents that I was organising for him as he is trying to get rights to see his daughter and I was helping him with that along with his bank details so I could pay his part of rent) after placing it down he flipped again and said "MUM THATS NOT MY SON, SHE HAS BEEN ON CRACK, SHE HAS POISONED ME WITH LAXATIVES AND SHE IS ONE OF THEM, SHE IS TRYING TO SET ME UP" I looked at him and my heart sank. He had forgotten he took a gulp of laxatives on his on accord as he wanted to flush out whatever was in his system. I the proceeded to try and leave which he then turns and says "why I love you, why would you leave". I managed to go and left for about three hours. He did not want me taking my car as he thought I was going to frame him for something. As I came back hoping he would calm down he said he want me to come back up. I got up and he then said "na I want to breakup I can't be with you I don't want to be with you". I calmly accepted and left forgetting my bag. I came back up and he was acting although nothing went down and asked me why I was leaving. I reminded him and he just broke and flipped out saying he did not and that he does not know what's going on.
I left and packed up everything at our place that was mine and my sons and left. I left because I love him. I left because I care. Staying with someone that won't take your help or acknowledge that he has a problem can sometimes do more harm then good. I am someone who hates having people think badly of me so this was the hardest thing to do as he is continuing to accuse me of being someone I am not. But I am accepting this now as I know in myself who I am. I still love him because I know this is not who he is. But that does not mean I am going to stay. Men are so consumed by the standards society has set that deems them to be seen as weak if they have any problems. ITS OK NOT TO BE OK. Ladies do not feel guilty for leaving someone who is mentally unstable. I tried to show him my love and support but he rejected it. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. I am still wanting to do everything I can to support him and get him on track but unfortunately we can't do that as the family I hoped we could be. I hope that he can one day see the love I will always have for him and seek the help he needs.
Anyways I am sending my love to both women and men who suffer from a mental illness of any kind. Know that you are loved and that you have the ability to rise above. I am a stranger telling you I care.