Sex & Relationships
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I don't know what to do? I'm sad, hurt and confused...
I'm 20 years old, and recently started to my moms friends son. He's been around a while, but this year we started talking. He's 27 years old, I enjoy talking to him, etc. When we first started talking he told me about how my mother tried "having sex with him twice!!" He said he never did anything, he told her to calm down.. The reason I know it's true, is because my mother seeks attention, and she wants to feel needed and wanted. She's 50 years old, and basically her life is just starting. I ended up getting pregnant by the guy, I knew I wanted to keep my baby the minute I found out. I was 1 month when I told my mother and the first thing she says was "you're aborting the baby" after that it begun, she tried pushing people on me to talk to me to get me to get the abortion, I was a disgrace to her, I was dumb, pathetic, my life was over and everything under the sun. He was very upset how my mother was toward me and he was very supportive, but another month went by nothing got better, so I just made an appointment to get rid of my baby... That Friday came and him and me went to the place and I did all the paperwork etc, but they mixed me up thinking I wanted the pill and I didn't so I had to schedule for another facility the next day.. That was my fucking sign not to do it, but I went the next day and found out I had twins in me... I still went through with it? And I hate myself for it now, I have anger and I'm just unhappy. Now... I've been going through it still with my mother, I had to go to the er one day because I was very sick. My friend was there. With me and I asked her not to have my cousin who I hate to come and she did it anyway. I wouldn't call her or anything, but I was texting the guy.. My friend comes and is telling me how it hurts her to hear how my mother and cousin are talking so bad about me, and saying how I want to be grown and I'm not etc.. And the fact is im 20 years old, working 2 jobs, going to school and living on my own.. My mother has really made me dislike her, and the guy always thinks I'm just being harsh and its me not her, but she says all these filthy things to me. So the other day I took my mothers phone and I read him and her messages.. He's telling her things I tell him, she's telling him my personal business, how I embarrass her, etc.. & she says she thinks I need a therapist and he's telling her no I don't think so we just need to help her this next month because she's having it hard.. Basically they are like best friends talking about me. That makes me feel as though he thinks I'm a child just as much as my mother does, and I feel betrayed by them both. Like talking behind my back, I hate it.. I have a million things on my mind and that just adds, and I need to tell him how that makes me feel but I don't know what to say.. Or what to do about any of it. I'm just hurt, and feel like I have no one I can trust..????