Nothing hurt as much as pulling up the red blood on a wad of toilet paper. Not years of abuse. Nothing hurt as much as the soul crushing despair that came from losing the life inside me.

I broke.

My husband came home from work.

We cried.

I woke up in the morning.

I cried.

I took my son to a pediatric appointment like I didn't just lose my baby.

I bought groceries like I didn't just lose my baby.

The cashier told me to have a nice day like I didn't just lose my baby.

I smiled back as if I didn't just lose my baby.

Fireworks lit the night sky as if there was any cause for celebration.

It was early. We didn't announce. And now no one will ever know why pain radiates through my soul. No one will ever know that any child we have in the future is a rainbow baby. No one will ever know how much I suffered. The world keeps spinning. My angel is gone. Like nothing ever happened.