I'm almost 22 weeks and lately I am just OVER being pregnant. My SO and I wanted two kids, but after this pregnancy I'm about to say screw it lets just get tied or snipped asap... I was both excited and scared about being pregnant when I found out, which I would think is a normal response for an unplanned pregnancy, and we're happy about our little Marley... However, I'm very scared for her bc I have borderline personality disorder and severe anxiety and depression, along with suicidal thoughts, so when I tell you that these hormones are wrecking my life apart... It's madness. I was doing ok (even with the BPD) until here recently, occasionally snipping, but lately I'm in such a deep depression and constant anxiety, and I can tell that I'm losing the little grip I did have on my BPD. I don't want to tell my so (although its becoming increasingly obvious) bc he's the only one who works right now and I don't want to stress him out even more than he is (struggling to pay everything on time, especially with late fees and such, he had to switch jobs and its fifty cents less an hour than he was making so it's rough- and no savings for either of us) and I just don't know what to do. Since I now have insurance bc of the pregnancy I've brought up the idea of going to therapy and getting on meds again since the insurance will cover it, but my SO isn't fond of the idea, bc I was handling myself pretty well when we met (I'd just gotten off both therapy and meds at the time) and I've been ok since, mainly keeping it to myself except for the times I'll tell him I feel "slumpy" as I call it. It's just getting way too much to handle... And I already feel like a bad parent bc I feel absolutely CLUELESS with kids under the age of like five... They say it's the husband who needs the crash course in parenting when that's me to a T. I'm also terrified of our Marley having what I do, bc BPD especially is hereditary and gives her more of a chance to get it. I'm holding on to the hope that things will get better when she's born, but it seems like that's slipping away from me as time passes.

I don't know what to do 😭