Ugh!!

Yet again another Facebook pregnancy announcement. I just read it and balled my eyes out and continuously cried for a good hour. And even now, every 5 minutes or so I'm letting a few tears slip. I hate this, I hate this so much. It's breaking me and I can't deal with it. I want this so bad, but all my effort just goes to waste and AF is always there at the end of each month to remind me if that. Each month I spend so much money on trying to get pregnant when there is women that literally jump in bed with a guy and can get pregnant right away. I wish that was me, I wish I could get pregnant instantly. Don't we all? But I'm tired. I'm tired of trying, but I can't relax. Everyday Facebook status's remind me that I have been trying to have a baby for 12 months. Everyday someone reminds me that I can't have a baby. It's actually crippling me. I've spoke to DB and he wants to see his friends tonight. I have literally begged him to for once see me because I need him. He will blow me off for his friends but never does the same for me. He is mature and wants this as much as I do and I know he needs to see his friends but right now I feel so alone. Even though there is a hole community of glowers that are at the other end if a blog post I still feel so alone. I am sick of crying and fighting for something I know I won't get. I just need a miracle right now, or just one wish, because I haven't even ovulated yet this month, I'm only cd11 and I know I'm already out. AF might as well arrive now. Sorry for my rant, I'm just broken and it's starting to really get me down