I'm in a pretty unhappy relationship with a man who doesn't really appreciate me. We hardly ever have sex & I pretty much just feel like his maid. I don't feel desired at all...I don't feel beautiful or that he is even attracted to me 95% of the time. I'm also 6 years older than him, which has a whole other set of challenges. We have sex about two times a month. He also works a lot. He says he wants all the things I do, but I feel so unhappy. He recently told me he is going to start working 14 days in and 14 days off in a remote camp. I suppose it could be good for our relationship, taking space....I also feel really insecure about it. When he is home right now, he sits on instagram liking pics of models and naked girls yet he doesn't seem to want to touch me or make me feel sexually desired.

I've always been interested in girls and also really closeted to the point that I feel threatened by many women. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've had small hookups with girls in the past but never anything beyond one night. I also masturbate to solo female porn or lesbian porn.... There's this girl who works at a coffee shop near me. She's so sweet and friendly. I feel like we have a super good connection. I saw her today and we were both so nervous around each other, like in high school or something. I suppose I'm just not feeling fulfilled. I know writing in here isn't exactly the best either because I should be communicating directly with him. He would not be okay with me saying this stuff to strangers. We just had a huge blowup and I'm spending my birthday alone as I write this.

Just hoping for a little outside perspective I suppose....I'm alone in a park as I write this wondering what I am doing with my life at 31.