Today my fiances brother (M) told us that after over 3 years of TTC his girlfriend is finally pregnant. She used to be very mean to me an there was time when we even didn't talk. It is better now, we try to be nice to each other. I know how much they want a baby so I was truly happy that they will be parents.

Me and my fiance ale TTC just for 3 months, but this month my AF was almost week late and I felt totally diferrent that usual (high temp, nausea, sort breasts - I never had it before period), so I was hoping for pregnancy.

Everything looked promising, but right after M told us about pregnancy I went to the bathroom and realised that my period just started. And I got very angry at my body for choosing such a shitty moment to tell me that I am not pregnant. Every other day would be ok, I mean we TTC just for 3 months so it is not a big deal, but it hurt me that moment and I started crying.

It got bad, I started thinking that M and his girlfriend have so many things that me and my fiance wanted but could not get. We wanted to buy a small flat, but couldn't afford it so we are renting. They have a big apartment, two cars and other things that are outside our reach. All of those things bought for money from her parents. I never was envy about those things, but I was hoping to get pregnant before her. Not in a mean way, where I would wish them infertility or any problems. I just was hoping that I will be able to announce pregnancy before her. So even for a day I could have something she wants but doesn't have yet. Just like many other things she has and I don't.

Now I feel like an awful person. First because I wanted to get pregnant first and second because I got angry when I realised that once more she has something I want so much. I know it sounds very bad, so I can't say it to anyone I know.

I know that tomorrow I will again be happy for them, because with their health problems it is a miracle that she got pregnant. But today I will cry that I am not pregnant and I will be sad and angry, so I can be happy for them tomorrow.

Please tell me that I am not a terrible person and that sometimes everyone can have a bad day as long as I am not hurting anyone else.