My boyfriend and I have a 2 year old. She's the sweetest, funniest little girl I've ever met. When she was only a few months old, her real mother (22) cheated on her then husband (my now boyfriend) with her (16 y.o.) cousin. My boyfriend came out and she was having sex with him while my boyfriend dealt with the crying baby waking up every few hours. She drinks and pops pills almost nightly to the point of that drunk rage some people get. She's pulled a knife on my boyfriend, she's both physically and mentally abused my boyfriend. She can't hold a job (due to the pills and alcohol) and has been couch surfing for the last year. She has not once, since I met my boyfriend (which was 2 months after they separated) facetimed her daughter. She initially took the baby to PA with her but after a month brought her back down to FL to stay with my boyfriend. And just never came back, every few months she swears to us she's better and tells us how cruel we are for not letting her have the baby fulltime. "Babies need their mothers" we have brought the baby to her several times and she comes back having not eaten, full diaper, and the latest time, a hole ripped in her pants and big bites and scratches on the back of the babies neck, telling us "it was my keys that got her" we let it go, and just brought the baby home. Now it's been 3 months since she's even done anything more then "hey how's the kid?" Texts.

Now all that being said, she claims she's holding a job, lives with her grandmother, and is demanding custody. My boyfriend has his own construction company, our own home, the baby has a huge nice room, lots of toys, any snacks she could want, just honestly a pretty good set up for a 2 year old. Her mother has shown us she is unstable however I'm just the fill in. I'm NOT her real mom, regardless of how much I may want to be. Facts are facts. We live in Nc while she lives in PA, she won't let us see where Hayden would be living, won't give us an address, won't work with us in anyway to try to have the little one know her real mother. I don't want my little one to be resentful or hurt by the fact that she didn't know her real mom, but I also don't want her hurt or messed up Bc of her real mom. Her mother is diagnosed as mentally ill (won't get into the details) so I know it's not reallllyyyy her fault. But I just am not sure what I should do about the relationship with the baby and her real mom. It's not right to withhold a child, it's also no right to take your newly born infant to a house party and post photos of a bottle of jack in one hand and her baby on her hip either.

I'm honestly just a confused step mom who wants to do what's right..my boyfriend doesn't want her real mom involved at all. But I don't know if that's just because of the pain they have between them. Any advice or opinions are appreciated.