It gets better!

After I graduated high school at 18, I started dating a guy that I knew from school. We were together for almost two years. For almost the whole relationship he was abusive, mentally and physically. At the end of our relationship we learned that I was pregnant. I was devastated. How can I raise a child with this horrible man? Will he do the same to my baby that he did to me? I don't know why I stayed with him for so long. I guess it was because I thought I loved him. After we found out, he got a lot more abusive. He told me I should have an abortion because I was going to be a horrible mother. He started hitting me even more and even broke the windshield in my car so I couldn't leave. We lived in a studio apartment and I was the only one working a full time job making $8 an hour. He would spend all of my money on weed. Our relationship ended when I told my parents I was pregnant. My dad told him he needed to take care of me and his grand baby and my ex pushed my dad. That was the breaking point for me. It was bad enough that he hurt me but you don't hurt my family. After I moved back in with my parents, I seriously considered what my options were. Do I have the baby and deal with him for the rest of my life? Do I put the baby up for adoption? There was no way adoption was an option because his family had money and I knew they would put up a fight. The most logical answer to me was to have an abortion. I didn't want my child going through what I did and not having a chance at a good life. So I had an abortion at 13 weeks. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I cried for months straight regretting my decision but I knew deep down I made the right choice. It's been almost three years since this all happened and I am the happiest I've ever been. I still think about that child every day. But now I have been married for a year and my husband I are about to start trying for a baby. My husband knows all about my past and he is always here for me when I get down about what I did. He has seen me cry and hate myself. Sometimes I think I don't deserve to have a child after what I did. But I have a different life now. I am a home owner and a manger at my work. I'm happy. I'm writing this because I want people who have gone or are going through this to know that IT GETS BETTER! if you are being abused, get out of that now. If you are thinking about abortion and it's you're only option, it will be very hard on you for a very long time and you will never forget that child that you lost, but it does get better. You will find someone that doesn't want to change you or hurt you. Find someone who you can talk to about what you've been through. Talking about it was the only way I got through it. Just know someone out there does love you and life gets better. ❤️