Today Facebook notified me of a memory from 2 years ago, it was when I posted my last workout regime and progress pic while also telling Facebook friends I was expecting my daughter.

I was 130lbs of muscle and in the best shape I've ever been, without working out I was 120 pounds of nothing. I'm devastated as it was my plan to return to this after my daughter but I got diagnosed with a heart condition that made it impossible for me to workout after pregnancy without passing out every time. I finally got my condition under control started working out again as I had reached 176 pounds, the biggest I'd been in my life at the time and I found out I was pregnant again. At the time I had also found out my husband had been contacting hookers online and via text and calls, I asked for a divorce and he refused. I couldn't afford an attorney as he's the only one who works so I had no choice but to stay with his lies of he'd never do it again. So I ate healthy instead and continued on my pregnancy journey. Even eating well I still gained enough wait to reach my current status of 206 pounds. Biggest I've ever been and my body looks terrible. I'm covered in stretch marks from armpits to calves. My breasts are so droopy they are folding under themselves and my stomach has a flap of fat at the bottom that moves when I walk. My father-in-law called me fat (not pregnant) this weekend at my sons birthday party. I'm 38 weeks tomorrow and today I found out my husband is still talking to hookers. I feel like I'm lost and I know what I need to do but I feel so defeated and just want to give birth so I can move on with my life whatever direction that goes. I hope I don't get PPD. This is my 3rd child and I just want to feel normal again and get back to my old confident self, not like my life is just same shit different day with a man who will never love me for me. (With each pregnancy and weight gain he's cheated by speaking to other women online, I've never found evidence of him meeting with them but the way he talks to them hes never even spoken to me) sorry for the long post; I've no one else to speak to as everyone in my friends and family have heard it all before. If I had the thousands of dollars needed to fight for partial custody, child support, and divorce I would definitely have done it already.

Update: So I haven't confronted him, I've been distant which just irritates him and he keeps asking me what's wrong but I don't feel like bringing it up to argue about all the same shit and hear the same lies. I will file secretly and serve him papers. He sleeps in another room so it's not like we're sharing a bed. I would rather not kick him out cause I know he has no where to go and the only couch he would have to sleep on would be at his sisters who's not my favorite person and always has his drug addict mother and other sister around which means he'd want to see the kids and ask them to be there. Our home is my families property, we live here rent and bill free so if anyone's leaving it's him. Our car is under my name so he isn't taking it. And he's all around worthless as his construction income isn't the best at the moment and his credit score is terrible. I'm trying to remain civil as I have plans to move to Missouri where my mother is and we have more property so it would be an easy transition for me and the kids. I'm going to focus on my newborn as he's due any day now and I'm going to look into the legal aid and fee waivers. Thank you all for the support and nice words, it brought tears from strangers to make me think how I WILL get back to myself. Thank you for the prayers as well. Much love ❤️