Fuck my life

As I have written before I'm in a dv abusive relationship and I hate sleeping with my partner! She always tries to sex talk me and I just want to gag.

I hate when she touches me , kisses me .. I hate it. I hate when she tries to sleep with me cause I just can't do it.. she's hurt me to many times but I stayed for 5 years cause she doesn't let me leave that easy.

I slept with her last week maybe on Saturday.. but now she said she wants to have a romantic night , and yesterday she kept saying why don't i talk about sex and when we have it I don't look interested.. I can't help it.. the thought of having a " romantic night " makes me feel sick. I hate this shit. I just need to build up the courage to leave 😞😞