My mask

6/29/17

I wear a mask everyday

It is not noticeable to the naked eye

It is not glamorous

Nor is beautiful

It is not honest

Although, it is not a lie

It is not covered in jewels that gleam

It is not made from feathers fallen through time

Nor is it made of glitter that shimmers so bright

It is not reality

Although, it is mine

It does not just cover my face

It consumes my entire being

It is me

Yes it is a lie

Although, it is mine

It is long black eyelashes to hide bloodshot eyes

It is concealer to hide the years of a love gone wrong

It is not honest

Although it is my reality

It is dark red lipstick to hide lips that barely smile

It is restraightened hair to hide the pain of waking up

It is not beautiful

But, it is mine

I wear my mask everyday

Day by day it gets heavier to hold up

Eventually it will fall off

And my truth will be exposed

bloodshot eyes from nights spent praying to feel you in my arms

The years of love gone wrong aches to my bones because I know it's my fault

Lips that barely smile because they're holding back all the words I could never say to you

The matted mess of hair stuck on a head that cannot leave its pillow

Because that is where I dream of you

Precisely applied acrylic nails become a pile on the ground showing hands that long for yours

My mask does not protect me

For, I am the only one hurt by it

My mask protects you

From all who have never met you

From the select few who know your name

From the man who hurt you and left me with this pain

My mask will fall off and everyone will see

They will see the pain I have felt

But they could never understand

They will hear my sobs over the running water inside my shower

But they will never know why the tears flow so freely in solidarity

My heart will be exposed

My pain will be displayed

And they will all know

They will all know

I wear a mask made of such simple things

Mascara to hide my bloodshot eyes

Concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes

Lipstick to force my lips to crack a smile

Acrylic nails to hide my anxious habits

And they will know that you were alive for a small 27 weeks

But I will keep my mask on until I know that you will still be safe

My mask is for you, Brianne Jameson.

My lie is for you, my sweet love.