Are you so jealous in your relationship that it creates issues?

Question

Are you so jealous in your relationship that it creates issues? For example, controlling who your SO can and cannot text. Not allowing them to have friends of a specific gender, other.

Answer

If your SO is going to cheat... they are going to do it whether your acting like their warden or not.  I don't have that kind of time in my life. I trust my husband until he gives me a reason not to, and when I can't trust him... the relationship is over. What is a marriage, or any relationship for that matter without trust?

Answer

I wouldn't say that is overly jealous... that is downright controlling behavior and manipulation

Answer

I honestly used to be but I accepted that fact that if he ever did cheat, it was his loss and I'd take myself and the baby back home. In my opinion, my time and heart and the time and hearts of everyone one of you on here are worth too much to waste on cheaters 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

I'm not going usually jealous or insecure. Usually I'm quite confident. But about a year in we were about to move in together and I used his computer and stumbled across a search for an ex gf. Which led to me checking his search history, concerned. I found he'd searched for her more than once. And another ex gf.
 
Then, quite panicked... I ended up full snooping his FB activity and realised he searched a handful of girls from the past (some more recent, some from teen years). A couple of them were every 10 days! I understand the occasional search out of curiosity, maybe once or twice a year, but where in your life do you draw the line and stop checking in on old partners? Especially when you've moved on and planning a big future with someone?
 
It made me freak out and have sleepless nights and cry all week. Did he still love or want them? Was I not enough etc? Was moving in a mistake? It was devastating. I was scared af. I ended up calling a counsellor for advice through my workplace employee support program. He helped me plan the conversation.
 
By that stage my bf knew something was deeply upsetting me, and I think he was very worried. He was stunned to realise what I'd found out. I was crying, broken-hearted and truly ready to walk away. It felt like an emotional affair.
 
It's been about 20 months since. But I know within myself I've become rather bitter and too interested in these girls in his past, who they were, their bodies, how the relationships might have been, did he make more effort with them? Did they have more sex? I've realised I compare myself, wonder if I measure up, think about how to diss them in my mind. I've never been like this before. It makes me sad. I think that something might have broken in me back then, and it's been hard to fully recover from the devastation and doubts. It's like some kind of unhealed injury.
 
Me, I rarely think of my exes. I'm not curious about them. I'm fully committed in my current relationship. I've been more a are of my negative feelings and injured self-esteem lately, and I'd like to find a way to let go of it.

Answer

I used to be this person in past relationships. Then at one point, it just hit me. If I feel like I have to control someone to keep them from cheating on me, then why would I want to be with them? The only reason they don't cheat on me is because I keep them from having the opportunity? Wouldn't I rather just find someone who won't cheat, regardless?

Answer

I'm not but my so is and it doesn't bother me.

Answer

My SO is friends with older people than us (I'm 21 and he's 28) so almost all of his friends are married with children. I don't mind him being friends and having friendships with the wives! I'm not close with them because they are in their 30s and I'm only 21 but I know for a fact he is a loyal friend and would never make advances towards these women! I am perfectly fine with him texting them and talking to them even if I'm not there. All the times he does text them it's to make a hair appointment or ask his friend Holly (she's a BSN or RN?) about medical questions that may come up with our daughter (she's 9 months) and if he is texting them he tells me (unless it's Jen then he won't because it's a hair appointment and I don't care to know about that) so absolutely I'm fine with him talking to other women because I'm very confident in our relationship and I know he's not a cheating man. He's very straight forward man and I trust him. I have no reason not to trust him!

Are you so jealous in your relationship that it creates issues?

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