I had the fastest easiest labor . No meds . 3 hrs . No stitches or tearing . I was in heaven . She came out and latched perfectly, and from that moment , when she came out she was a hardcore latcher and she had what they call "baracuda syndrome " . The baby Eats perfectly goes, to the bathroom on time, then is hungry immediately again . It's Like a cluster feeding , but the suction is beyond intense . Anyways, I started producing immediately bc of the suction pressure and the supply and demand . Well , she is such a hardcore latcher and such a demanding sucker , my nipples ( tmi ) couldn't keep up . They started to crack , burn & bleed yesterday , so I fought through it . I had three lactation consultants come in andnit didn't matter bc " baby was latching great.

Well "breast is best " so I fought through - she ate , slept perfectly , at night she starts to cluster feed which is when - she would eat nonstop and unlatch for only 15 min . Well , Last night , at 2 am after no sleep at all for 24 hrs bc of how aggressive she eats - I started crying bc the pain was un bearable . I called her doc up crying at 230 pretty much saying I can't do it . I'm a failure . This is my third , how can I not get be better at this .

He said listen go get a pacifier from the hospital for breastfed babies to hold u over tonight and I'll meet with u in the am . So my hubs says listen ; I'll go - take a minute - you're doing great - don't cry my love , you got this . He leaves at 3 am gets the pacifier , against my better judgement we give it to her . Boom . She's out cold till 6 . I felt great . 3 hrs ! Shit - that felt like 12 hrs .

I Woke up forced through a feeding ( it felt like the jaws of life were on my nipples ) and went to the doc.

He said try a nipple shield she can eat and protect your boobs till they heal , if that doesn't work or u don't like it , pump , have someone give her a bottle , if u don't like that here's some formula . ( gave me a starter pack ) Whatever works for u and baby . Try a pacifier at night . She's an aggressive sucker and whatever works is best . He said she's small enough too that once she can soothe herself she won't want the pacifier .

Hes reiterated that I shouldn't let lactation consultants make me feel like a bad mom . Healthy moms and babies don't work that way . He then said he will see us again Wednesday . Everything is perfect health wise . We left .

I pumped . It killed more than her mouth - but she downed that bottle like nobodies business . 2 hrs later it was time again and I dreaded my boobs being touched yet listening to her cry made me feel like I was letting her down . I unhooked my top and stopped for a moment .

And then I did what I said I wouldn't do and I gave her some enfamil formula for newborns ( the one my doc gave me ) and she was content , she wasn't fussy and I felt relieved .

And Then i realized , I'm not a bad mom . Breast isn't always best . This is my third and I'm still learning . It's trial and error . That's how mothering goes

Do I wish I could breastfeed and be that multi tasking liquid gold mama that they perceive us to be ... sure ! Duh ?! but a

happy fed baby and a relaxed mentally stable mama is a perfect combination for me 👶🏽🍼💕

This was the last pic I had of Penelope Salem eating , but all worked out