It's not my first but it feels like my first

It's not my first but it feels like my first. I love him sooooooooooo much. I knew I was booked for a C. Sec so I just sat and anticipated the moment. I am greatful for his arrival with any deformities knowing I was very stressed out and smoke also drink while I was pregnant with him. My husband who I taught love me so much choose vanity over us. That took a toll on me, but thank God all went well physically. I pray and hope mentally too.