Need some TLC and don't deserve it

So I got into a fight with my friend on Monday. She texted me that afternokn saying hey I don't appreciate what you called me today ... and I was like what did I call you and she was like a fucking bitch. Short story short I apologised and she said she feels I have been judging her lately.

I feel like such a slut, shit person, bitch and someone i don't want to be. I am known as a weirdo at school cause I joke around a lot. I am weird but funny. I joke and call people sluts and hoes and swear all the time and say dirty things all to be funny cause people laugh and give me attention. I have carried this act on for about 2 terms. It feels so great during the time doing this 'act' but after I reflect what I have said I feel awful. I have anxiety and see a counceler. My problem is I feel i need to confess stuff cause I feel guilt so basically I used to confess so much shit to my dad like that I masturbate and watch bondage, if I ever said anything mean to someone ect. This was all because I felt guilt, ashamed and embarrassed and by telling my dad it made me feel better. I now see a counceler to tell them all this stuff although I have come along way since the start of last year.

I am just upset cause I go to school like this happy person and usually come home feeling shit and unhappy with myself, body and pissed at my family sometimes. I also feel I don't fit in with them sometimes. Btw I'm 14 any advice 😞😭 btw I'm just posting this cause I need to gat my feeling out x