I just can't.

He ruined it. The things intimate things that I try to give to my boyfriend I just can't. I can't do it not even for him...

It's been 6 years.

Why am I still triggered? Im triggered by tongue don't know why. My boyfriend would never understand I just can't kiss him (makeout) I hate when he tries. I feel so ashamed of myself, so stupid, and such a prude. Such a loving gesture he does for me and it only pushes me away I hate tongue I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy it.

Something about the way my rapist licked me. like I was his. Like he was going to do dirty things to me whether I liked it or not. And after he got away with it the way he would pass by me in the hallways at school and lick his lips at me sexually, taunting me. And I can never forget.

I haven't even discussed this with my man but I know he's annoyed with how every Time he tries to stick his tongue down my throat I push away. It just such a turn off. And the fact he is still trying hurts. Anyone else know what I'm speaking of ? Anyone else feel what I'm feeling?