To start, the fact that I even feel this way is very unsettling for me. So unsettling that I refuse to tell anyone I know and am resorting to an app instead for guidance 😅 I've been with jealous types, and I'll be damned if I ever become anything like them.

My boyfriend has this friend he went to high school with who has known him for years. They actually had kind of an on and off thing for each other, and they've admitted it to each other, but they never dated. Let's note first that this is not what makes me jealous. I couldn't care less if he's still close with someone he used to flirt with, and I would still have a problem even if that wasn't the case with her.

What makes me jealous is that she is everything I wish I was. I haven't met her, but I can tell from what I have seen that this is true. She grew up in a prosperous community while I grew up in a shitty small redneck town. She is a really great actress while I stutter too much and am not confident enough but always played cameos in my school productions. She's smart as hell and goes to an Ivy League college while I suffer from ADHD and go to an arts conservatory. She's skinny while I am what many call "thicc." (I have a severe obsession with my appearance, so this one stings a lot.) And the worst part of all, she's fucking gorgeous. I think I'm attractive too, but I don't compare to her. I don't light a candle to her in any way.

Maybe I'm not jealous, I'm just anxious. My self esteem is dangerously low, and the fact that my boyfriend is so close with a girl like this scares me so much. I am terrified that one day he'll realize and admit to himself that I am nothing special. I mean, how could he not? When he knows a girl like this?

I'd appreciate some input :/ But if you're a raging jealous type and want me to tell him to stop being her friend, please just don't bother commenting. I've had that shit done to me in the past and I am NOT doing that to him.