Self esteem

When I was about 13 or 14, I didn't consider myself ugly or fat. I didn't consider myself to be anything but just me. Once I reached 15, things changed. I became VERY self conscious and felt that EVERYONE was watching me and talking about all the things that were wrong with me. I'm 21 now and the battle with my self esteem has been more uphill than anything. To be honest, I rarely ever feel pretty, I feel more like "ok". And in the rare instances when I like how I look in a picture, I feel almost guilty for thinking that I actually look pretty. Lately, all my friends have gotten into relationships and then there's me. I know that being in a relationship should not define my self worth or how I see myself, but I can't help it. The way I see it is that if I'm with someone it must be because I have to be at least a little bit attractive or pretty. This is not a fishing plea or a sob story to make you feel bad for me. This is just me letting out my feelings in what I believe is a safe space. This is my way of letting others know that feeling ugly and loving yourself is hard, but that it helps to let out the feelings somewhere you feel is safe.