What to say to a friend that's lost her baby

Question

My friend had to deliver her baby at 20 weeks due to complications. our babies were born on the same day (4 months ago) and we unbeknowingly called them the same name.  I know it kills her daily and I can see she is beginning to grieve extremely hard and is becoming so so emotional. I want to write her w letter but I honestly just do not know what to say. please help?

Answer

are you able to see her in person? whether it's in person or on paper, I would keep it simple. say, I love you and I am here. and I will listen for as long as you need to talk or hold you in silence for as long as you need to cry. 
often times when people experience a great loss, they don't want pity or someone trying to say they know what they're going through. they want to scream and cry and say all of the horrible things in their head and having someone with whom they can do those things can be the best gift you can offer.  
my father died suddenly when I was 18. all of my friends were boys and I think I had never been more grateful for that fact than at that moment because, as guys tend to do, none of them knew what to say. so they just sat there for hours and took turns holding me while I cried and screamed.

Answer

Dont worry about having the right thing to say cause there is no right thing to say. Words wont make it better. I just had a miscarriage and all I wanted was to know people cared and were there for me. Thats what matters.

Answer

Maybe ask her if seeing your child hurts her? If it does maybe block her from seeing your posts about baby on social media and spend time with her without your baby and without mentioning your baby at all. Tell her you're there for her for whatever she needs

Answer

I lost my lil boy at 18 weeks. The worst thing was people not mentioning him. Tell her that you love her and you would love to hear about her lil one whenever she is ready to talk about it. Show up in person to give her a hug and watch a crappy movie. Just to be with her. A letter is a great idea, being there makes it that extra special meaning. I lost all of my so-called friends, as not one of them knew what to say or how to say it, so they said nothing at all. Just be the best friend you can be and be patient. She's lucky to have you in her life. 💕