You would never know that pretty little blonde girl with the blue eyes wearing a dainty dress and with perfect manners was being robbed of her childhood. You would never know her maternal grandfather molested his own daughter and that daughter was her mother. Youd never know her mother would let him babysit while she went to work. He also molested her. She wasn't even old enough to communicate what was happening in words. Even after several vaginal infections nobody raised an eyebrow. Even when she started performing sex acts on her toys nobody bothered to question how a 2yr old knew these things. Instead she was chastised and shamed and blamed and told she was doing dirty nasty things ...nobody even considered she was performing for them just like she did for papa. You would never know that same little girl had a crack head for a mother. Despite her faults that little girl loved her mom, unconditionally. She believed she could save her if she just loved her enough. When she was 10 she started spending the weekends with her mom, her new husband, her sister (whom she lived at her paternal grandparents with during the week), her half sister, and her half brother. She was the oldest at 10 with siblings 6,4, and the baby was almost 2. She was so excited to see and spend time with her mother. Wanted her love and attention so badly. But it wasn't long before her mom would come up with an excuse to leave the house (needing chocolate chips to bake cookies at 11pm) She felt sick to her stomach knowing what was happening, begging her mother to stay...she never did...and she didn't come back that night or the next.....she never called...never checked on them... Youd never know at 10yrs old that little girl knew all the numbers to the local dives, the American legion, places she knew her mom went and drank....but the people who answered when she called looking would never admit to having seen her, even if they had... Youd never know that little girl played mommy to three very little siblings..changing diapers, making bottles, giving baths, dressing them, feeding them, playing games, distracting them, calming them, protecting them from the truth. She never told them mommy was gone and she didn't know where or how long shed be gone...didn't want them to have that burden. Sometime in the night she would slip back in as if shed just left, like everything was ok... And youd never know but that little girl never told...she didn't want her dad or his family to know that they were right about her, that she was an addict, she didn't want to give them ammo, she wanted to protect her and she didn't want to stop going there on the weekends to see her half siblings. Youd never know that at 15 that little girl moved in with her mom, the new boyfriend, and the half siblings. She was expected to be the maid, cleaning up after their friends, washing dishes...including the burnt spoons...it wasn't long before these friends (adult males) started making inappropriate comments...nobody stopped them...her mom's boyfriend started moaning her name in his sleep-her mom punished her.... Her mom's boyfriend made inappropriate comments to her and her mom punished her... He even offered her money to walk around naked and her mom blamed her.... One night after most of the "friends" had partied and left everyone decided to go to bed including a man that was sleeping over on the couch in the living room. She woke up later to this man forcing himself on her and he told her she better not make a sound or he would tell them she came on to him and he would make sure they believed it..she stayed silent while he raped her bc she knew it would be her fault. Shortly after her mom suggested she show an interest in one of the men that came over frequently. Youd never know her own mother manipulated her 15yr old daughter into a relationship with a 29yr old man. She was just a kid, she didn't know a grown man attracted to a child is wrong. She saw herself as a woman and let her mother convince her this was ok. She began seeing and sleeping with this man...but it was a secret. Her mother's boyfriend would have never allowed it-not because of morals mind you but more because he was a control freak and if he couldn't have something nobody could. The entire time she was living there she had to walk on eggshells. You never knew when or why her mom's bf was going to snap...and he was big, 450lbs big, and scary, and violent. He used verbal abuse as a tactic...the most horrible demeaning things came out of his mouth...mostly directed at her mother but soon at her too...and he's mother did nothing to stop it, said nothing to defend her...and after things cooled off shed tell the girl to go apologize even when she didn't do anything wrong at all. She witnessed her mother beaten time after time, chunks of her hair pulled out, a liquor bottle smashed against her head... She had so much fear and anger and frustration she started cutting to get relief...The 29yr old man was also a drug addict (the girl thought she could save him) and he was super paranoid and jealous. He started scaring her-sneaking in her bedroom and writing threatening messages in red nail polish on her mirror, breaking into a home while she was babysitting accusing her of being there with someone else...she decided to break it off-he threatened to make her watch him blow her sisters brains out... You would never know that girl was terrified because at 15yrs old she had to tell her dad not only was she sexually active but that it was with a 29yr old drug addict and she had put her sisters life in danger... Youd never know that the 29yr old had made a deal with the mother that if she arranged for him to be with her daughter he would supply her with drugs for free...she had no idea she had been pimped out until years later... Youd never know she went to countless rehabs and jails to visit her mother over the years hoping and praying and believing this was it, she was going to get better, she would get it this time. Youd never know the rollercoaster this girl grew up riding. For 36yrs she chased her mom trying to help her, support her, believe in her when nobody else did despite the fucked up things her mom allowed to happen to her. She joined the military and moved 4hrs away, for married and began a family....her husband inherited a large sum of money when his father passed and suddenly the phone rang...her mother...she said she had been given 6mths to live and wanted to spend the time with her family and grandkids. She moved her mother in with them, bought her mother anything and everything she asked for without hesitation. Her boyfriend lived four hours away and needed rent paid, she paid it...was gonna lose his car bc of a title loan, she paid it...electric was about to be cut off, she paid it... She and her husband had planned a honeymoon (finally after 3yrs of marriage they could afford one) 9 days in Kauai Hawaii... She bought an extra 1st class ticket at last minute and brought her mother along, got her a separate suite, paid for her to drink on the beach all day....after all 6mths was almost up and she wanted her to enjoy her last days... The day they returned home her mother's old boyfriend was waiting at the house, packed up her stuff and she moved back in with him four hours away.... She lived for another 6plus years. It was all a con...Youd never know what she's seen, what she's suffered through, endured.... Because up until now she's never told anyone... Thanks for reading and next time you think about judging someone please think about this post...you never know what someone has or is going through, what they are dealing with...a smile goes a long way and costs you nothing