Hi, guys.

This is going to be a doozy of a read, I have quite the story.

I've been trying to conceive for 6 years, and lost my 3rd pregnancy at 7.5 weeks as an ectopic in May of this year. After getting a methotrexate shot to treat it safely, I managed to complete avoid rupture (narrow miss, guiltily counting my blessings💔), and my next cycle returned on June 17th. It was light and only lasted 3 days. I was confused about it, but I had a follow up ultrasound the day my period stopped on June 19th.The scan confirmed all of the mass was gone, I was showing a healthy lining, and the ultrasound tech showed me my ovaries and the eggs to give me peace of mind about my fertility. She said they looked "beautiful". 😂

I told her about my weird first bleed, and she was able to show me that I was actually done with my period and it seemed to be a healthy one. She is the same tech who discovered my ectopic, so I take her word very seriously. I started taking prenatals again that day, but all other TTC efforts were put on the back burner. I wasn't ready yet emotionally and

My doctor had said 2 cycles were necessary before attempting another pregnancy anyway, so my fiance and I have just relaxed and tried to stay healthy.

Well, on July 22 (13dpo), my second cycle started, a day earlier than Glow predicted... but this one was even weirder, guys.

I was watching a movie with my fiance when I suddenly felt really icky. I had been moody, snappy and emotional so I suspected af was coming. I walked to the bathroom and (TMI, sorry) the minute I pulled my pants down, I felt it. I wiped, and it was pink/red blood. Based on what I've read on implantation bleeding, I took it with a grain of salt and told myself if I was seeing blood at all,not to consider it (C and I had been using condoms and had gone unprotected once, if that), but my poor man begged me to at least rule it out and test. I did. BFN. I moved on.

I had cramping that started that first time I bled and it was distracting, but not painful and they stopped after a couple hours. I put a tampon in, and 2 hours later it was uncomfortable while I was running errands. I took it out in the supermarket restroom and discovered it was (TMI again 😀😀) barely bloody with stretchy, mucus-y cm on it. I decided to just wear panty liners after that, I was too dry for tampons. I expected a heavier flow, but overnight I never really bled, the flow stayed spotty/light and was very inconsistent, and the blood color stayed light.

At this point, pregnancy was not in my head. I was too worried about the effects of the shot , I had bled and we had used contraception, so what was the point?

A week before I bled I got a sharp stabbing pain at work and it made me hunch over. I was feeling lots of tingles in my breasts and weird aches at my hips after ovulation, not to mention the creamiest, whitest cm I've ever seen during sex. Something I logged and ignored. Pregnancy symptoms continued past AF, and I got new ones: rounder, heavier breasts (with no soreness when touched, but they burn/tingle), headaches, and INSOMNIA. No rest at all.

I stay up as late as I can to make myself tired and then wake up 2-3 hours later, bright eyed and ready to go.

ughhh.

Yesterday was CD6. I called my doctor, worried about a hormone imbalance or something. He asked me to take another test. I tested using a 50miu test (Dollar General) and it was a BFN. He is convinced I have conceived and wants me to come in for a blood test, but gave me a chance to think about it.

I should go in Monday. I'm just scared, and annoyed. I don't want to get my hopes up, he's pushing pretty hard. I don't know what advice I wanted, I guess, I'm just tired of symptom spotting and wondering and waiting. My body is obviously acting weird this time, and I annoyingly have no chart to go off of. I don't really have an option, I need to buck up and get the damn test done, because it's interfering into my life at this point.

I still can't sleep.

UGGGGGHHHHH.