So Stressed!! HOW DO I RELAX

Ladies, I'm sure y'all have seen some posts about my bf not having a job. And I feel so bad but I just feel like he's not trying enough. I need to vent or someone to talk to... please no bashing ladies I've had enough for the day... we just got off the phone arguing and I'm just so overwhelmed.

I'm sitting in the bathroom at work cuz I'm having a fkn meltdown I can't stop crying and I just wanna go home.

It's so stressful to have everything on me, and not save a penny, live pay check to paycheck. I feel I let my mom down because I stayed here in Louisiana while she left with my brother back to California.... I chose to stay here with my bf. So this is all on me and I know... I blame my bf for things I shouldn't and I'm just so stressed I don't know what to do!

He's applying to jobs all the time and has amazing skills in construction. It's been three months now without a job and I feel it's ruining us. He put it into my head that he's the macho type( were Hispanic so we both grew up with this type of "man is the bread winner type thing"). I feel so bad to think any of this of my boyfriend..

I try to vent and talk to him peacefully but he gets mad at everything, like a firecracker! Yesterday he called me unbearable while on the road and wanted me to pull over and leave him and he will walk home. I didn't drop him off cuz we were far from home but he's done this a few times already and HAS got out the car and walked home. I love him to pieces and we're trying to work it out but I know the stress is getting to us both!

I know it's hard to find a job especially in construction and not licensed or insured. But to me it seems he has pride issues to where he applies. He's used to runnin a crew of 3 or more people and to be under someone else it would kill him. I tell him to please just look for something in the meantime to bring some money in... but he gets mad about that too.

We're together for the long run it's just a bump...