fling or flop: camp
So I've been working at a summer camp for the past few months. It's been an amazing, adventurous, dream like, and even romantic experience. I have changed so much especially since Ive been away from technology, my parens, and all the people that used to influence bad decisions for me.
When I got to camp i promised myself to just have fun and to not get emotionally invested, but I couldn't help it becausw i met a guy who has literally woken up my heart and we've only known each other for a few weeks.
He makes me laugh, cry, and he makes me really think about the things I want to do, and I do the same for him. We push each other.
2 weeks ago we had a night off and stayed at his beautiful cabin outside of camp. I got pretty drunk mostly because i went with a large group abdwe played drinking games all night.honestly it was a lot of fun. we started a fire and i saw him sittingby himself (mind u im drunk at this point but still well spoken) we talked about everything for hours. how much we loved camp and our lives out side of camo etc and then i grabbed him asked him to kiss me and we kissed.
He realized I was drunk and he said that we should stop and we did for a bit. but I grabbed him from where he was and pulled him outside again and then we kissed again. his kisses felt likehe wanted to have sex...
I don't think he like that I was drunk because he stopped me again and said he was sor but he couldnt. maybe i over steppe? we didn't talk the resr of that night.
The next morning he just kept starring at me and smiling, but ididn't address what happened. When we got back to camp. I let him know that I was sorry for kissing him and that I hopped thing weren't weird after. he told me it was fine and that he was glad we connected (our conversation).
Since then we have stayed up late in staff laounge at night and talk about everything. we talk about Our past, our childhoods, our passions, nightmares and so on.
Sometimes he just stares at me in my eyes for a long time and then he does this funy eyebrow thing. one night, in the staff lounge, a bunch of his friends asked if he wanted to go out or watch game of thrones and he said he didnt want to go. he stayed talking to me and we kept getting closer on the couch we sat on. we talked until everone left.
later we walked back to our cabins and it was pitch black outside.he told me about a bear he saw and i told him i was scared lol. he said its okay if we get eaten; at least we'll die together. we hugged when we got close to our cabins.
The other night he told me that working at camp was weird for him sometimes because his ex used to work here too last summer. i guess they broke up a few months before camp started. He said he was still having a hard time with it. sometimes he talks like he hasnt moved on i just try to be supportive.
We had another day off together with friends, and just like every other time we talk, it's like there is so much chemistry and I know it's not just me feeling it because of the way he looks at me. and whenevwe we sit together i always feel his body trying to touch mine. it feels like no one else is there. i wrote him a note that said " we should try kissing again". and he read it but didnt reply.
on our day off i drove us to a near by downtown area and we day drank and walked around with two other friends. it was the best we talked and tried new foods too.
later on our day off we went into this store and he kept coming up to me and looking me in my eyes. and then it was like he was following me around but didnt want to make it obvious. i wonder if he was trying to kiss me.
we got in the car and it was just the two of us and he started to tell me abiut a bad dream he had then our friends got to the car.
i asked if he could drive us back to camp, and he did. he kept teasing me by saying im bad at giving directions and im bad at choosing songs on the radio. he really liked this one song but i changed it on purpose.i teased him about eating so much that day.
then i tried to put up the gps for the ride home, our hands touched. it felt so good. it was gentle and soft, innocent, but it also turned me on.
then the gps fell by his leg and i tried to grab it. i touched his leg accidenally and then he told me he would get the gps.
that night when we got back to camp, he asked if me and the group wanted to hang out it the staff lounge. i was too tired and headed back to my cabin.
I'm scared because I always move to fast with guys. I'm scared of getting close so I usually just stick to sex or anything physical. but this guy, he makes me wait, he makes me talk to him about all the shit i have going on instead. its terrifying for me.
i like him so much and there is only two weeks of camp left. he lives far a way from me but i really think im falling for him. we work in to diff areas of camp so sometimes its impossible to see him.
im not sute if he feels the same and i feel like ive been moving too fast for him.
we talked yesterday for a long time about some story i wrote. a lot of the campers were around playing with us both so he asked me to sit with him somewhere quiter. i should have told him how i felt but instead we talked and gigfled about different things. my campers came by us and teased me abd when they left his campers starting messing with him. i slowly got uo to leave because i knew he had to be with his kids.
idk what to do should i tell him how i feel or just be friends? whay should o do?
Let's Glow!
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