Greif and pain!!

Today was the hardest day for my husband and I. Last week I took a blood test and the results were that our baby was releasing a chemical that all baby's have while in the womb into my blood dream but the chemical was very elevated which means that our baby tested positive for spina bifida. We were beside our selves because neither side of our family has children with birth defects. So they scheduled is a full anatomy scan which brings us to today. So all last night I couldn't sleep just hoping and praying that our son was going to be ok or maybe some how they made a mistake. So I go in for the sonogram  and the doctor says let me look at the baby's spine. Ok everything looks great then the heartbeat it was 159 ok great ok 2 arms and 2 legs great hands and feet great kidneys great brain great then when he got to the baby's face he began to get quiet so when he said great to everything else I screamed out "thank you Jesus !! But then he kept taking pictures of his face then he said I'm sorry to tell you but your baby has an abnormality. He doesn't have a nose or something can be wrong with his mouth. I began to cry and cry. I said what does this mean and the doctor said you are 18 weeks now and the baby should be all the way formed. He said you have to make a decision as to terminating the pregnancy or going through with it and when he is born have a mri to see how severe he is deform. My heart sank. He left the room so me and my husband could talk and I just cried and cried!! My husband couldn't even talk!! Just last week he lost his younger sister giving birth to her fifth child and he lost his mom, dad, aunt and sister all this year! So we decidedly to terminate the pregnancy because after talking to the doctor he said the baby would probably need a lot of surgery after birth. I said what did this come from he said because you were sick from the beginning the baby didn't get the folic acid that it needed and I said I took zofran did that contribute and he said you took zofran and he made a face not wanting to say yes or no. I say all of this to say I think zofran had a lot to do with this!! I was going by what my doctor said and she prescribe me zofran. I am so hurt but only God knows why this happened. I only know that I am very sad and hurt and confused!!! Now I must try to go on because we have 8 year old daughter and 13 year old daughter to go on for. Please pray for us!!!